A Conversation between me and my bed

1. (7:00 AM: Alarm goes off)
2. Me
   (Grunts) I don't feel like getting up.
3. Bed
   No kidding. You were sleeping so well. You should hit the snooze button.
4. Me
   You think so?
5. Bed
   Definitely. It's 7:00 and you don't have to be at class until 8:00. An extra ten minutes won't hurt.
6. Me
   You know what? You're right.
7. (10 minutes later)
8. Me
   Ok. Time to get up?
9. Bed
   Are you sure about that?
10. Me
    Not really....
11. Bed
    What, do you have to do take a bath?
12. Me
    I'd like to.
13. Bed
    But do you need to?
14. Me
    I guess I didn't really do anything active last yesterday so I don't really need to.
15. Bed
    Exactly. Plus, are there really any girls worth impressing in your 8 A.M. class? I mean be honest.
16. Me
    You know you're absolutely right. You're full of wisdom, Bed.
17. Bed
    Shh. Shh. Shh. I know. Now, go back to sleep.
18. (10 minutes later: Alarm goes yet again)
19. Me
    Ok. Gotta get up. For real this time.
20. Bed
    Aw. Come on don't go.
21. Me
    I can't. If I stay any longer I'm going to be late.
22. Bed
    And what, you'll disturb the one person whose actually trying to learn?
23. Me
    ...Yeah.
24. Bed
    Come on. You know as soon as you leave from under these covers things are only gonna go down hill.
25. Me
    Sad, but very true.
26. Bed
    Then just stay and hang out with me. Ever since this semester started you hardly ever spend any time with me...You don't even make me before you leave anymore.
27. Me
    I've never made you. Not once.
28. Bed
    That's not true. You did for about a week. It was one of your resolutions we both knew it would last.
29. Me
    Ok fine. I'll stay, but just ten more minutes.
30. Bed
    That's all I ask.
31. (10 minutes later)
32. Me
    Ok. Seriously. I'm getting up.
33. Bed
    No, stay.
34. Me
    I can't man. I have class.
35. Bed
    No you don't. You've been to all of your classes this week.
36. Me
    That's true.
37. Bed
    You've been working so hard. You deserve it a little extra sleep.
38. Me
    You know what? I do deserve it.
39. Bed
    Damn right you do! Besides, you don't want to go out there. The world's a cold, cold place.
40. Me
    It is cruel.
41. Bed
    No, I meant that literally. It's freezing. The Polar vortex will send your balls into hiding the minute you step outside.
42. Me
    Fuck it. I'm sleeping in.

I hate my bed, really. it's made me missed a lot of classes in my first semester. fuck you, bed!

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Valentine's Day is Overrated

A conversation between me and me (i'm not alter ego, it's just my opinion, goddamit!)

-Are you celebrating valentine's day?
 +what? i don't even give a fuck about it

-Oh c'mon, it's just a day, why you didn't care at all? 
+Because like other pop celebrations, it’s been heavily commodified
.
-What do you mean by commodified? 
+ It means that the real value of it has been skewed and distorted from its origin
.
-What do you mean? I did'nt get it.
+what i’m trying to say is there’s no use of Valentine’s Day.

-I know people like you, you must be one of those religious people who have haramized Valentine’s Day! Are you from FPI/Jihad?
+Hell No, but what the hell is haramized?

-To put one under the label haram. I’ve just made it up.
+I thought you’re illiterate.

-Not as illiterate as those who spend time demonstrating against Valentine’s Day though.
+The ones who think that Valentine’s Day is like a massive orgy?

-Yeah, would you tell me more about it?
+ Every year these people keep themselves busy by preaching that Valentine’s Day is a work of evil. Last year i saw in TV a bunch of students protesting in Bundaran HI, carrying slogans and banners against the wicked festivity. This one cleric even went further and stated that every Valentine’s Day, the sales of condom raises up to 80% and made it a reason to, errrr,  haramize the celebration.

-What’s the correlation between condom sales and Valentine’s Day?
+Because the protesters think people tend to have sex more on February 14th than any other day. So rallying against Valentine’s Day is assumed to be similar to crusading against adultery.

-So they dont get laid on any other day?
+Maybe they dont get laid at all. Sex before marriage is not advised in this country, you know, even some people could be severely punished if they’re caught performing coitus with illegal partners.

-Coitus? What’s that? And what do you mean by illegal? Did they enter the country without legitimate visa? Like some Indonesian immigrants in California? 
+Be enlightened, coitus is a medical word for fucking. Sounds less exciting , i know. And by illegal, i meant, having sex with ones who are not your husband/wife.

-So you’re not allowed to have sex with somebody who’s not your husband/wife even though it’s consensual?
+You certainly have never heard of “adat ketimuran”

-I haven’t and i got zero interest to learn more about it. So let me clarify, you’re against Valentine’s Day but you’re not from the FPI? So who are you?
+Somebody with common sense. Valentine’s Day for most people here is like Christmas for Japanese people.

-Wait, you have no girlfriend, aren't you? so it's a useless discussion after all
+  Oh c'mon, I have 99 problems and getting a girlfriend ain't one. I'm just 19. what do you excepted? I follow my religion's rule after all

-What a losser! 
 +Fuck off!